Bedtime stories to help grown ups fall asleep in the deep, dark night.

Episode 1146 – Neverending Sleepy Stories | All Intros 793 – 797

[START OF RECORDING]

SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, and my patron peeps…[SINGING] hey, patrons, I haven’t sang a song to say thank you at the start of the show. I’m just trying to make up a song without stealing another song, don’t you know? But it’s a long song I sing, but it shouldn’t have been long…but now I’m singing to you. Hey, patrons, thanks for supporting the show. Now I’ll bid you adieu, even though my voice smells a bit like dew, and not the morning dew. Thanks, patrons.

Alright everybody, this is an all-intro episode. These come out on long weekends. I might put out…if you love all-intro episodes, $10 and $20-patrons get two all-intro episodes a month in addition to the ones we put out. But if you love all-intro episodes, let me know about it. We’re looking at how we’re gonna handle the…2023. Maybe we’ll put out more in addition to those ones you can get at…on Patreon, too. But yeah, I hope you enjoy the long weekend, and here’s an all-intro episode. If you want more or you want to support the show…$10 and $20-patrons get two all-intro episodes a month, an all-night compilation episode a month, a bonus episode every single month, in addition to ad-free episodes twice a week. $5-patrons get those as well, as well as two story-only episodes. You can support the show at sleepwithmepodcast.com/patron. Now I prevent…and now I’m happy to present Scooter after Scooter after Scooter introing the show.

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. It’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical…you know, something you’re thinking about, something you’re experiencing physically, something that’s coming up or that’s going on emotionally, or travel, changes in routine, baffling stuff. Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that.

What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice…and I know I mentioned dew at the top of the show…I'm gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night, I'm gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, try to…I just slowed down my superfluous. I say whoa, whoa, whoa, do you…slow it down. What do you got there? Oh, are you…is this one of those ones where I’m a boy with a wagon walking too fast, sir? That doesn’t look like a wagon to me, son. Oh no, this is just a superfluous tangent. What in the…what in the haymaker are you talking about, lad? Sir, have you ever been a PE teacher? ’Cause you just talk exactly like 90% of PE teachers I’ve come across.

Son, I’m an authority figure and I’m here to figure out what you’re…sir, maybe I could…I’ll probably forget to come back to you, and hopefully I’ll be sure to mention that movie — Neverending Story or something — because…but I gotta get to my new listeners. What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my…lulling, soothing tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, as you saw. What I’m gonna do…I’m trying to create a safe place where you could set aside all the stuff that’s keeping you awake. Right? I said that. It’s ideally a safe place where I could just earn or create or foster a little bit of relaxation, a little bit of space for you wherever you are, to get a little bit more comfortable, to get a little bit more settled, or just be where you are, but to kinda listen to me, ‘cause maybe something else is going on. You know what I mean?

It’s kinda this weird…this is a safe place besides what’s keeping you awake, and the reason it’s a safe place is kind of counterintuitive because I send my voice across the deep, dark night and all that stuff…and a couple things if you’re new; you don’t really need to list…this is one of the few podcasts and few safe places once it’s established, you don’t gotta pay attention to it. You say okay, so I don’t have to…this is a podcast, so aren’t I supposed to listen to I can fall asleep? Hm, you can kinda listen, you can listen, or you could barely listen. Kinda see how it goes. You might want to move over to a side of the safe place where you say well, I can’t quite…I can kinda hear you talking. So, if you…if you’re new, see how it goes, I guess would be my thing. But no pressure to listen. There’s also no pressure to fall asleep.

The weird thing is, this is a podcast that’s kinda here as you fall asleep. I know I say the podcast to put you to sleep ‘cause it’s so flashy, but it’s more the podcast to be here as you drift off, that you barely kinda list…but kinda listen to…or listen to it if you need to. Now, the reason the shows are an hour is to give you plenty of time. So, if you can’t sleep, here’s the thing; I make the show just as much for the percentage of listeners that can’t sleep as the listeners that fall asleep in five minutes. So, I guess…I don’t know. I guess…I don’t know what my point was. Oh, my point was you don’t need to listen to me and there’s no pressure to fall asleep. Also, if you’re new, structurally what to expect…I’m sorry, there’s…are you in a…you’re the authority figure wondering what that superfluous tangent is I’m walking around with? Okay.

I just wanted to tell you about the structure of my podcast. What’s a podcast? Oh boy. It’s something you might enjoy, audio…this…in this case it’s a pod…it starts off with an intro. Oh, like WMAC Radio? I’m not familiar with that, but did they say WMAC…W-M-A-C Radio that puts…takes…puts the mac in the whack or something. They say some…oh, that’s how they start their shows, huh? Oh, you like Rudy Tudy; that’s your favorite DJ. Hm, that’s…Rudy Tudy, cool. Do they play…what, songs of the circus or songs of carnival…? Is that The Happy Fun Carnival Hour? Oh no, it’s a serious…okay, well, we don’t…that’s great to know. Yeah, so this show starts off with a intro, but it’s a little bit different than that because the intro’s a part of the podcast. It’s a show within a show. How can there be a show within a show?

Well, you take some imagination, I guess. The intro…here’s a question for you; you see how I’m…I guess ‘cause you’re a authority figure, you just kinda…okay, this is it, yeah; if you weren’t an authority figure and you couldn’t just walk up to people in their imagination and say, what are you doing leading that thing around? It looked like a wagon ‘til I stopped and looked at it. If you weren’t an authority figure, you’d probably have to kinda…if you were curious and you saw a boy walking around with a superfluous tangent on a leash — not a leash, by the way, but I could see how you’d make that mistake — you…but you weren’t an authority figure, you might say…and some people might ease their way into the conversation.

They might say hey, is that a…I mean, usually that’s…when I’m walking around, that’s the usual attempt at rapport-building, when I’m walking around with a superfluous tangent. They say hey, what’s…’cause they want to say, is that your pet? But then they start to look at it. It takes them…anyway, so, the intro is to ease people into bedtime as part of people’s wind-down routine, for most listeners. New listeners will just kinda discover how it works for them. But a lot of people start the shows…are getting ready for bed as…and then they wind down. Maybe they’re brushing their teeth, maybe they’re already in bed, maybe…I get a lot of human-animal interaction. They say oh yeah, I’m just getting my pets ready for bed. Maybe it’s a family thing.

Maybe you’re listening…whatever it is, it’s just part of easing you into bedtime, ‘cause I guess that’s a thing; you can’t really…I’m sure maybe for you…and for some people, you could get in bed like an authority figure and you say man, I bed like a boss. I’d say what…wait a second, wait a second, what do you mean by that? Anyway, you say I bed like a boss. I go to bed and I slam-dunk it. I’d say okay, well, we’re different people, probably, ‘cause me, I need a wind-down. I need to ease into bedtime. I need a long runway. I don’t bed like a boss unless your boss is riding around on a tricycle trying to catch up with the boy that’s leading a superfluous meander around, and on…he’s got headphones and he’s listening to that station with circus and carnival music. I’m sorry, I even confused me.

I know; that was a pointless meander. Yeah, I don’t even know what that was. But so, I guess that’s the intro, is…it’s something familiar, ideally it’s comforting or reassuring, or you just say okay, Scoots is here, he’s not gonna…he’s gonna try to make some sense, probably won't get there, and it’s just part…it’s to establish a safe place. I don’t know what to tell you. So, that’s the intro, then there’s some business between the intro and the show, and then there’s a…there’s…what comes…? Oh, tonight is our premiere pilot episode of our episodically modular serial new series. The Adventures of Dr. Triangle and Isosceles is the working title of it. What’s a working title? Well, when I think that’s gonna be the title but I’m not 100% confident that it’s gonna stay the title. Why have a title at all? Oof.

You really do…you really…gym teachers, what do you see? You see the world as…never mind. I was a PE teacher, so I’m just using you as a…I know, I’m sorry. I apologize. I was wrong. I was wrong…how is it again? I’m sorry I was wrong and I’ll try to find a new straw-person for my authority…I’m trying to find a new figure for authority figures to represent them. Okay, I’ll just keep referring you…to you as the authority…can I at least allude to the fact you have a flat top and…? Okay, yeah, ‘cause I had a flat top once, too, so…so, that’s the structure of the show. Ends with some thank-yous and some goodnights. Most new listeners find that the first time they listen, they kinda say what in the…?

Because the podcast is different, different than they expected, doesn’t necessarily…it’s not necessarily apparent at first how it works or if it would even work, and for some people, it doesn’t work. So, give it a few tries. If it doesn’t work for you, go to sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou and you could find some other options there. But so, that’s the structure of the show and what you need to know. Yeah, I’m just walking around with my pointless meander. Yeah, no, that’s one of its…that’s its holding hand. It’s not a leash; it’s one of its hands for holding. Yeah, it does look a bit like…yeah, it’s tough to kinda see ‘cause it’s almost like it changes when you look at it. I could see on first impression that you saw…thought it was a wagon, ‘cause I’m just leading it around the town square here.

But you could kinda see it has a long tail. Yeah, it does have influences of other forest friends we could talk about, or fantasy friends. But yeah, I can’t…I mean, I guess for me, I’m the kinda kid walking around…leading around a pointless meander and you’re the kinda person that beds like a…I’m sorry; whenever I say ‘beds like a boss’, my brain goes somewhere else immediately and then I say, am I comfortable with that or not comfortable with that? How am I feeling? ‘Cause it’s complicated, you know? But I do…I am aware that there are people that fall asleep as soon as their head hits the pillow, and I would say that is…you say man, I dunk on my pillow. Your head, right? You just put it down? Boom. So, that’s great for you.

So, you might not need the podcast, but you might listen to it for relaxation purposes or for…just say well, I need something a little bit different today. So, that’s it. I don’t know. This was a interesting intro. I’m glad to meet you. I’m very clear that you’re one of the authority figures that lives within me, one of the many thousands of beings that join me when I put my head down to rest. I could use somebody that beds like a…but anyway. I said, where’s that person that says I bed like a boss? The other…I say oh, nobody’s…okay, well, thanks. Oof. So anyway, I’m glad you’re here. I’m basically here to keep you company as you drift off, because I want to help. I’ve been there and…not putting my head down and falling asleep right away.

Though this morning — just to give you a little bit of taste of hope — I was awake, but…and I don’t usually…I’m not usually a ton of covers person, but it was raining and it was a little bit chilly. I never noticed this, but I had my…when people say they have their covers pulled up to their chin, my chinny-chin-chin, I did. I had my covers pulled up to the hairs on my chinny-chin-chin and it really just felt good. So, I don't know if you want to do that now. You could shrink in or you can expand. Sometimes that’s not…it’s good in the breeze of the morning. Of course I said, oof…I don't know, I really felt good. I guess that’s rare for me to say; wow, this really feels good. I got my covers pulled up to my chin. I had a laugh, I really did. I said I caught…it was like I caught myself. I was already awake, but I kinda had naturally gone into that position.

You know when you’re…when you get in your morning cat mode and I was…I knew I had to get up but I wasn’t in a total rush. I said…I just said well, I feel kinda cozy. Then I said whoa, my covers are pulled up to my chin. No wonder…usually I would just be like, that’s too warm for me, or I’d say my shoulders need to breathe. I always talk about kissing your own shoulders as a symbol in an act of self-care. So, I like my shoulders available for kissing at all times. But this morning, my shoulders did not…they weren’t demanding fresh air or anything. So, anyway, I guess mostly what I’m trying to say is I’m glad you’re here and I work very hard and I strive and I yearn. I really want to help you fall asleep, and thank you so much for coming by. Oh, and here’s a couple ways we keep the show going.

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, things you’re thinking about or your mind’s thinking about and trying to get your attention about, physical feelings, anything you’re experiencing physically or feeling emotionally that might be coming up. I’m gonna try to take your mind off of that. What I’m gonna do is I got this real nice safe place set aside here where you can set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, like I said.

Then what I’ll do is send my voice across the deep, dark night, I'm gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents…holy cow. You say, I’ve never seen superfluous tangents, for one, but I’ve never…you have…your superfluous talent…tangents, they…they’re…they have a diff…they’re different than the normal…you say, they have a low viscosity. They’re super-fluidity but a low viscosity. How do you do it, Scoots? I say well, I use a slow stirring motion, very slow. I scrape the sides, kinda like…yeah, they…that’s what I do. That’s one of the ways I do it; creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders. So, basically what the podcast is here for if you’re new…hi, how you doing? I’m glad you’re here. I hope I can help.

Now, this podcast…I’ll give you a heads up; it doesn’t work for everybody, but give it a few tries. I hope it can help. I hope it works for you. The reason I make the show is ‘cause I have trouble falling asleep. Sometimes I deal with other stuff; waking up, trip stuff, traveling stuff, thoughts, feelings, physical sensations. I got all those things going. I just make this podcast to kinda take your mind off of that. So, if you’re new, let me give you a couple things…what to expect. Podcast is…I usually say it’s a little bit different, but that’s a mild way of saying it. It’s pretty different than a normal podcast or even a normal…something geared towards sleep. It’s really a company…you say, a company you don’t…a company that’s kept, but you don’t need to keep. I think maybe I should seal that one up. I don’t think I’ve said that.

Sleep With Me, it’s like company that’s kept that you don’t need to keep. You say Scoots, what do you mean? Well, let me try to explain that to you. Let me get to the new listener, though. So, the podcast is a little bit different. Structurally what to expect is the show starts off with a few minutes of business. That’s how we keep the podcast free. So, in this example, it would be like if the company shows up, you say I want to greet you, right? Well, I guess…no, that’s different. It’s just what…we’re able to keep the podcast free. You say well, that’s how we keep the porch lights on and that’s how I have these…the place to greet you, is the people that support the show and support the sponsors. So, that just…it’s…that’s not so much important for new listeners as regular listeners.

So, it starts off with business, then there’s a intro, which kinda…you might get to the point of…company is kept…you don’t need to keep right away, ‘cause the intro is kind of a show within a show. For a lot of people it’s part of their bed down…bedtime…I call it the bed-down, wind-down routine. But as you get into bed…I think a lot of things that don’t necessarily work kinda think…make you feel like hey, this is gonna be quick. I’m gonna snap my fingers, I’m gonna count to ten, I’m gonna jingle some wind chimes and I’m gonna go woo, you know? Scooby-Doo. Then you’re gonna be asleep, and I’m…I’ve been doing this a long time. That’s how I got these creaky, dulcet tones. At one point my meanders used to have a point, but it dulled off. But so, what was my…? What was my point?

So, oh, the intro is…it’s to ease you into bedtime. So, if you’re not interested in the intro, you just want to get to the part of the show where tonight we’ll be talking about Doctor Who, just skip ‘til about eighteen or twenty minutes or so. But so, there’s…the intro is where I talk about the podcast for about twelve minutes and ramble in kind of a monologue-type fashion. As we like to say around here, these parts, heavy on the log to have you sawing logs. It’s more of just a friendly…friendly banter, just like if you were greeting guests at the house. But here’s the good thing; this podcast…that’s where it all ends. You don’t gotta greet me, ‘cause you just hit Play. No, you can say well, there’s Scoots rambling, but I won't be able to hear you. Even if your partner says, is that that pod kid talking nonsense?

Then you might say, he’s a pod-man, dear, without a doubt. Then you could both have a laugh at that at my…and I wouldn’t hear any of that. Go ahead, crack yourselves up. You say, pod-kid, he’s more like…he’s a pod-tween. I’d say well, that’s…pretty much sums me up. So, oh…what was my point, though? Oh, so the intro is kind of like a familiar friend that you don’t have to entertain or that you can talk about in a jestful way or just wonder about. You say, what’s going on with Scoots tonight? I’m not sure. I’m only kinda listening. Well, didn’t he just start talking? Well, yeah, but I’m kind of conditioned to just barely listen. That’s one of the other things around the show; this is one of the few podcasts you don’t need to listen to. You could just kinda be around it. So, it’s where the company is kept.

You say well, Scoots is kinda keeping me company, but I don’t have to keep him…I don’t have to…it’s a weird social…it’s not a…it’s a social dynamic without the dynamic parts. You say, there’s no…however you say that, dy…there’s no dynamics here. Like I said, there’s…this is super-fluidity at a high viscosity. Oh no, maybe it’s low viscosity. You’re right. Thank you. I totally mixed up my mixed-up metaphors. But so, there…oh, so the intro is a way to introduce you to the show and ease you into bedtime and just kinda goof around, maybe make bedtime a little bit less serious, maybe take a little bit of the grouchy-poos out of bedtime. Because I know for me, I talk…I haven’t talked about my brain bots, but a lot of times, my brain bots…it is like a bunch of guests showing up.

As soon as my head hits the pillow, all of these little uni-function parts of my personality start…I hate to use this word; carping. They say hey, Drew, how come this? Did you realize our efficiency…? We didn’t even track our efficiency today. How inefficient is that? I’d say okay, and then a sixth-grade part of me say…how come…were you the last person in your class ever to kiss a girl? I’d say well, I didn’t kiss a girl in sixth grade. So, technically no. Then my second and eighth-grade things…point of order, point of…and I’d say okay, I’m trying to go to bed here, actually. Then my…another part of me would be like, when…what month is it? When is April 15? Oh my goodness. There’s different parts of us and they want my attention like a guest would.

For me, at least, it’s really hard to say hey, listen…I mean, I guess as I’ve done the podcast, I have learned to say hey, probably not the best time to discuss this stuff right now. I’m just gonna listen to this podcast. This pod…let’s all…and you could snuggle up with them and you say hey, let’s get snuggled here. Scoots is our guest that we don’t have to entertain, and he can bare…he barely entertains us. He doesn’t know the difference between high and low viscosity despite consuming over his lifetime four thousand hours of motor oil commercials. My efficiency brain would say but actually, that’s actually…holy cow, that’s completely accurate. How come that doesn’t happen, like…you say okay, when I’m moving onto the next phase of existence, they’d say well, let’s see, you tried to do this, you tried to…let’s see.

I would like that rundown. You say, are you gonna…? Can we have a stats component or can I get a couple infographics? Instead of the whole Peter thing or whatever or the limbo or…could we just do…run…for maybe twenty years, ‘cause you have all the data up there, I’m assuming. You say well, let’s run through some info…how many hours of motor oil commercials have I consumed? I’d like to see the top thirty. I would be interested in that. You say okay, breakfast cereal’s gotta be way, way up there. But motor oil, I would put it in the top…I mean, you say, what’s…how come that’s not a SAT word? They’d say well, it’s overused; that’s why…viscosity.

It’s probably hard to spell, so maybe they do…they say yeah, we can’t use it in the spelling bee because it’s a word that every child’s seen…most children; not every…some children aren’t watching every single thing…I guess they don’t have…here’s a thing…if you’re a motor oil company, free advice…actually, I probably have seen friggin’ ads from YouTube, but most…now that I’ve talked about you, clearly next time I do a search, it’ll be like, have you thought about Vervaline? It’s mid-viscosity…it’s the only mid-viscosity motor oil. It’s hyper-synthetic. I’d say hm, interesting. You’ve been listening in to me, eh? So…okay, so, what was I saying? Oh, you don’t need to listen to me, also, no pressure to fall asleep.

The reason the shows are about an hour is ‘cause I want you to have plenty of time to ease in and drift off at your leisure. Just like a guest, I’d say hey, well, I’ll be here talking. Don’t worry about keeping me company. I’m here to…my company’s kept. A company that’s kept that you don’t need to keep, right? Is that what I said? I’m keeping you company. You’re not keeping me company, so I’m just gonna be here talking. That’s the other thing, is if you can’t fall asleep, I’m gonna be here for about an hour. So, if you can’t sleep, you can queue up episode after episode. I’m here to the very end. I make this show because I truly believe you do deserve a good night’s sleep, a good night’s rest, some moments of comfort and solitude, and if I can enable that somehow, it’s an honor.

It’s something that’s powerful and if I can have a connection to that just through rambling and then talking about Doctor Who later…and you might say Scoots, I don’t watch Doctor Who, I don’t…and I say okay, don’t worry, you won't recognize it. You’d say, was that a story…an avant-gante…garde story about pencils? No, that was…Scoots was talking about…it says Doctor Who in the title, but I…yeah, I don't know. I’m not sure. I say yeah, that’s right, I’m just talking Doctor Who, but in a meandering, lulling, soothing way. I think that’s about it. You don’t need to listen to me, no pressure to fall asleep, shows are about an hour. Starts off with the intro, then there’s the business, intro, business, Doctor Who for about forty-five, fifty minutes, and some thank-yous at the end. That’s it. Give the show a few tries. 99.9% of listeners said it took a few tries before it started working for them. But what I really want you to know is I’m glad you’re here and I work very hard, I strive and I yearn, and I really want to help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by.

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature, routine…if your routine changes, of course I want to be here to help with that. Whatever’s keeping you awake, so it could be stuff you’re thinking about, could be something you’re experiencing physically, feeling emotionally, it could be that you’re working the second or third shift, travel.

Whatever it is, I’m gonna take your mind off that, or I’d like to try. What I’m gonna do is I'm gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night, I'll use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. I’ll be going off topic. A lot of people ask…so, let me just talk about creak…it’s creaky, dulcet tones, and that’s a totally legitimate question people have. It’s creaky; C-R-E-A-K-Y. I think you could hear that part of it. You say, creaky, dulcet tones; that is what you sound like. Dulcet…a lot of times people say oh, those are dulcet tones. Those are like the sweet, sweet sounds of the great crooners of the world. But so…oh, what was my point? Oh, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders. That’s what I’m gonna do, is I'm gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night and use those things.

If you’re new, maybe I’ll talk about that a little bit. So if you’re new, I guess…what I’m gonna do is send my voice across the deep…alls you need to do is get in bed…I think I covered all that stuff. So if you’re new, let me tell you a couple other things. I’m glad you’re here. I’m really just trying to create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, right, and get comfortable, get…and get some rest. But so, oh, structurally what to expect…so, here’s what to expect structurally if you’re new…or one thing is if you’re new, a lot of people say it takes two or three tries to get used to this podcast. It’s like a reverse kinda tolerance, ‘cause some people say oh, you build up a tolerance to that and you…in this case you kinda learn not to tolerate Scoots…it’s like a tolerable level of background noise that you can tune in and out of, I guess, in some sense.

So, what do I mean? So, this is a podcast you don’t need to listen to. That’s kinda one of the general rules we have around here, is like okay, first rule; you don’t really need to listen to me. You can listen to me, but if you find it’s better to lower me down to a tolerable mumble, that’s fine, too. Or if you want to listen to me, that…I make the show from beginning to end, so if you want to listen or you need to listen, you need some company ‘cause you can’t sleep, I’m here to the end. That also goes with the second kind of rule or kind of…like, almost a general…I don't know, what’s a rule that you don’t really need to follow? Guideline, I guess. Suggested guideline or a suggestion…you don’t need to listen to me, no pressure to fall asleep. This is one sleep podcast where I’m actually not here to put you to sleep.

I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep, however long that takes. For some people, it literally is a few seconds, and for some people, they don’t sleep. They just listen…so, you fall asleep as you wish. If you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here to the very end and you could queue up episode after episode if you need it. That’s the purpose of the show. That’s why I put so much work into it. In some sense, I really think that is one of the reasons it works, is because I put so much work into it, you really don’t need to listen to it, and…but you could listen to it. I don't know. But so, you don’t…no pressure to listen, no pressure to fall asleep. Just kick back. Structurally what to expect, if you’re here with me this far; show starts off with business.

That’s literally what…the business at the top of the show and between the intro and the story is literally how we’re able to bring the show to you for free. So, I appreciate…that’s more for regular listeners. If you’re new, that stuff’s not important. The business stuff’s not important if you’re new. More see how it goes. So, after the business is the intro. The intro is around twelve to fourteen minutes or so of me rambling and talking about nothing. That would be ways to portray it. It’s most…it’s like it’s a wind down or an easing into bedtime. So, instead of a quick intro…this is just my thought about it; if I had a quick intro — which I used to do — then at some point I accidentally stumbled literally on these longer intros and then people said I really like the longer intros, and…so, then we kept…it just evolved over time.

What I discovered in a face-palming moment was if you get straight to the story, then it’s like oh, wait a second, I’m supposed to fall asleep during the…I was…I gotta start falling asleep now or oh boy, the story started. Maybe it…when’s the story gonna end, or something? It just makes sense. An essential part for me and a lot of people falling asleep is having some sort of bedtime routine. This just packages one part of it, is the wind down. So, the intro is familiar. I try to explain what creaky, dulcet tones are and the structure of the show. It just takes me about twelve minutes, which allows some listeners to ease into bed, some listeners to fall asleep. You’re totally allowed to skip the intro, particularly…if you’re a patron it’s easier ‘cause you get the story-only versions.

But if you’re not, you just skip ahead to eighteen or twenty minutes or something. So, those are some ways to use the intro. Other ways are that people listen during the day to the intro or the podcast. They say okay, I need a little break during my day. So, the intro could be what puts you to sleep or what eases you into bed or what you listen to as you’re getting ready for bed. Any of those ways. No wrong way to do it. Like I said, I’ve heard from people that don’t even speak English at all and they listen and they say jeez, I just put…I don't know, it just helps me fall asleep. There’s people that listen so low that they…it just is like me muttering a little bit. So, there’s not an incorrect way to…just test it out and see what works for you. So, that’s the intro, then there’s some business, then it’ll be a bedtime story.

Tonight it’ll be a revisiting of…we’ll return to the cloud tower in the sky, and they have a new thing going, so that’ll be cool. It’s like a visit to…I don't know, you’ll see if…or you don’t need to. You could see how it goes. But we did another episode about a year ago with this one. So, then there will be some thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show, and you don’t need to listen. Those are also some elements of the show; the long intro, nonsense that…I kinda ramble, I don’t make a lot of sense, pacing…some episodes are paced a little differently than other ones. This one I’m trying to get a nice, slow pace going here for the people that like this super slower episodes. So, you could also…some people slow the episode down in their podcast app or…rarely, but some people do speed it up.

I think most people listen at one. Those are just things…oh, this is…maybe this will be my off-topic thing; instead of creaky, dulcet tones, is like, podcast apps. Now, this is a podcast…I guess it’s also kind of a show. But so, the easiest way to consume the show is in a podcast app and the only reasons I say that is it doesn’t really impact me how you listen to the show. I just want you to be comfortable. Some of the nice things about podcast apps or two of the things for this show is you can change the speed, so a couple…some podcast apps you can go down to 0.8. I know…I think a couple people listen at 0.5. To me, that’s… I’ve listened to my…it’s just a out-of-body thing for me, listening. But the great features other than that are that you could set a sleep timer.

So, if you want to set it at forty-five minutes or sixty minutes, you could do that. But you can also — in a lot of podcast apps — create playlists. So, some listeners will create a playlist of eight or ten episodes, or patrons will create one with a regular episode and then story-only episodes and then set a sleep timer, but it’ll be for like, eight hours. There’s also some podcast apps that let you start it at a certain point, so people that don’t want to become a patron but want to skip the story or skip to the story, you could just get it and set it to start at eighteen minutes. So, I don't know, the playlist thing and the sleep timer are kinda cool features about podcast apps. Most phones come…like Apple Podcast or Google Podcasts are both free. Spotify, Radio Public are free. Pocket Casts is a paid app that’s great.

Overcast is a patron…you can…the app is free but then you could support it, which I do. I actually use all the apps because it’s my job. So, if you don’t listen to a podcast app, try it. Then you could subscribe, which is also free. What that just does is it makes sure when the latest episode’s out, you could either set it to download the episode or not, or give you a notification or not. But it just makes it a little bit easier to consume. So, that’s just…I guess that’s a little bit about podcast apps. One way to listen to a podcast. There’s other people that listen in a desktop app and there’s kinda higher-level users or people that download it via MP3 and put it on a external device. That’s an option, too. There’s some people listening on YouTube. I’m trying to think what else…what other use cases I’ve heard of.

I think there’s other…some people might stream it through a browser. The only thing with something like that…I mean, the nice thing about a podcast app is if you download the thing, you could put your phone on moon mode or even airplane mode and still listen to the show once it’s downloaded. Or if you’re on a P-L-A-N-E or you don’t have service, you can download the episodes. So, just a little…I don't know, I don’t think I’ve ever done a podcast…talked about the podcast apps in the intro before. So, hopefully it’s helpful to some of you or even to regular listeners. You say oh, wait a second, yeah, let me set a sleep timer. I love that idea…or let me make a playlist. ‘Cause some people also like certain styles of shows, so then you just make a playlist.

If you say oh, I really like the Big Farm in the Sky series, I’m gonna make a playlist from that, or I prefer to avoid the TV-style episodes. What you do is you just archive those or make a playlist that doesn’t include those. Really cool. Most podcast apps are very intuitive, so it makes it kinda easy, where you just Google, how do I make a playlist on this app? Podcast Addict; that’s another popular Android app that’s also free. So, that’s…I thought of one other thing about…okay, so you can skip certain types of episodes, make a playlist, check it twice. Oh, if you’re a patron, you can listen in a lot of podcast apps to your bonus stuff right in a podcast app, but that wasn’t what I was thinking of. I thought of one other thing. I’m trying to picture myself listening to podcasts. I don’t know. I think it was playlists.

I say okay, what else would people be surprised you could do in a…? Oh, you can search. So…now, this isn’t in every podcast app but I’m sure most of them will adopt this slowly, so when you’re listening to this, your podcast app may already do this…I know an Overcast and podcast addict; you can do this…is if you go to Sleep With Me on there or you’re a patron and you go to your patron version of Sleep With Me, then when you bring up just that podcast — you’re subscribed to it — you could search within the podcast feed. I use that all the time not just for Sleep With Me but for other things. Because you say oh, what episode did they…if it was an outdoor podcast, I say, what episode did they talk about waterfalls? So, I’ll bring up the Walking Podcast, for example. I don’t think there was a waterfall episode.

Then I’ll say…type…then I’ll search; well, was there a waterfall episode? Or 99PI…I’ll be like, have they talked about miso on there? Then I’ll bring up 99PI, 99% Invisible. Then I’ll type M-I-S-O, search, and then it’ll say…it’ll answer that. Then I’ll forget like I did now and I’ll say, when I get done recording, I have to search again to see if they did a episode about miso. Or plaid…you could check articles…interest, or 99PI. So, anyway, that’s about it. That’s a little bit about podcast apps, which I greatly appreciate because it really works well with putting…it just aligns with the UI, the user experience…the user interface.

Usually it kind of aligns well with the idea of putting people to sleep and me talking about the tech…this side of podcasting apps I can tell is sleepy gold. But you know who really is gold? I’m not being smarmy…is you. I make this show because I believe you deserve a good night’s sleep, and I hope I could help. I work really, really hard on the show because I’d like you to be able to drift off or at least feel comfortable and nice. You say okay, well, I’m in bed and I’m comfortable, and Scoots is here to keep me company. So, I really appreciate you checking the show out if you’re new. Give it a few tries, ‘cause I really…I strive and I yearn to help you fall asleep.

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, things you’re thinking about, thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, travel, stuff. So, yeah, things on your mind, things on your list or things that are listed, something physical, something you’re…you know, feelings. Yeah, for me, a lot of times it’s a combination of those where the lines blur.

I guess we’re all one big…I try to tell that to all the personalities inside me; I say, aren’t we one big happy family in here? I don't know if I’ve ever actually said that, but one day I would like to achieve that level of self-enthusiasm. Is that…? I don’t even want to say ‘self enthusiasm’ again, ‘cause it gives me…anyway, I get…if you’re new, maybe I’ll come back to that. I don't know. What am I gonna do? I’m gonna I'll send my voice across the deep, dark night, I'm gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, which you just witnessed, and that one was instantaneously…spontaneously superfluous. Wow, that’s…I don’t think I’ve ever said those two words together. They just kinda fit. I really…I hope I could get on a Broadway variety show…also get talent…ability to sing and dance.

They’d say, Scoots and Barbara are here with this next number, Spontaneously…what did I say? Superfluous. I say actually, well, Bar…that was a superfluous…it’s a superfluous Barbara, so it’s not the Barbara. I also tried to get Bette, but she was unavailable. Okay, so I’m gonna I'll send my voice across the deep, dark night, lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones…I’m trying to create a safe place or a safe, friendly situation. If you’re new, it’s not intent…indentaneous. One time a teacher marked that on my paper; indentaneous. They said you over…’cause I was trying to get fifty pages out of a thirty-page paper, so I tried to indent everything and then double-indentation. He said that was indentaneous, maybe. I don't know. Maybe that was…maybe I imagined that one.

But what I’m gonna do…I’m here to keep you company, if you’re new. Oh, this podcast isn’t instantaneous. What I mean by that is it takes a few tries, if you’re new, for a lot of listeners, ‘cause the podcast is a bit different. But even for most…I mean, there are some listeners where the podcast works pretty quickly ‘cause it’s part of their routine, but that took time to develop, right? So, our relationship won't be…some people, it’s instantaneous, like my teacher. They say, I give this podcast an F or an NI; needs improvement. More in a podcast world, it’s like well, this isn’t for me. If only I got those e-mails. I think those people are so well-adjusted, they say oh, this podcast isn’t for me. I’ll just move on.

I do have a site for the people that don’t make that choice, but they say, need…this podcast, it’s beyond needing improvement. You could go to sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. But what was I saying? So, give it a few tries, but also the structure of the show shows that it’s not a instant thing. So, we start off with a few minutes of business. That’s how we keep the podcast free for everybody, then there’s a intro. Now, the intro is a show within a show. It’s about twelve to fifteen minutes of me kind of explaining what the podcast is slowly and never clearly being able to achieve that.

But it’s also…for regular listeners, it’s kind of ideally a part of their wind-down routine where you could start listening before you get in bed or right when you get in bed as you’re easing in, getting comfortable, getting cozy, or you could be…here’s the thing; you could start it when you’re brushing your teeth and stuff in the other room, ‘cause you’re not gonna miss too much. But whatever works. Now that I’ve been doing this for however many years, six years, I’ve seen a lot of people…some people skip the intro, a few percentage points of people. They just skip ahead to eighteen or twenty minutes and then start there, or they listen on Patreon; they just listen to the story-only versions. Some people fall asleep in the first few minutes and then some people ease their way into bedtime, they fall asleep during the story, some people listen all night.

Some people, they turn the podcast on in the middle of the night. They don’t start the night with the podcast. There are listeners that listen during the day to kinda unwind or in the tubby. You know, it’s a bit different, but…oh, the reason the intro’s kind of long and meandering is to give you plenty of room to drift off. So, there’s a intro, then there’s some business between the intro and the show, and then there’s the episode. Tonight it’ll be our episodically modular series, which the working title is The Adventures of Dr. Triangle and Isosceles. So, that’ll be…you could listen to that in any order. I think this will be the second episode. Then there will be some thank-yous at the end of the show. So, that’s structurally how the show is made. What else do you need to know if you’re new? I’m glad you’re here. That’s one thing.

I hope this can help you. You do deserve a good night’s sleep, and that’s why I make the show. Other things to know; you don’t need to listen to me. You may have already figured that out. But I tend to meander, I tend to go off-topic, my logic is…it’s neither logical nor illogical. It’s like a spiro-gyro or something. You say, well, it’s like his logic has been…it’s scribble logic. I say, that’s it. That’s my…one of my top five podcasts; Scribble Logic Cast, a podcast about scribbling, scribbled logic, and things interesting to scribble logickers. Also, Scriptnotes is ahead of that podcast, so I listen to that one first ‘cause I love John and Craig. But so, where was I? I got…oh, so you don’t need to listen to me. Also, there’s no pressure to fall asleep.

This is a little bit…I don’t know what the counter…counterclockwise…but this is a podcast to be here as you fall asleep, to keep you company as you drift off, that I can kinda be at your side walking or talking, and then you kinda just…you head off into dreamland. But if you can’t sleep, I’m dedicated to you whether you fall asleep in two minutes or you’re here to the very end. So, I’ll be here to the end of the episode, and then there’s episodes after episodes for you, because I know sometimes you just need a friend in the deep, dark night. In some sense, that’s really what the podcast is about. At bedtime you say well, at least I got a friendly…my bore-bud. Scoots is waiting for me. I had a rough day being a human out there, and for me, at least, you could have a rough day being a human, then you lie down.

Like I said, that…for me, I have what I call brain bots. They’re different parts of my personality or different…I don't know. They’re voices or…but…whatever you want to call it. As soon as my head hits the pillow, they say what…what were you thinking? I’d say, when? Well, let me get out my list. I’d say well, I thought we agreed to…we’re working together. The ship that everybody works together on floats well. Well, no one ever said that, and there’s a good reason why. I say okay, well, I just want to get some sleep, actually. I had a long day. Oh yeah, I was watching all day. It was long…could…if you were doing better, the day would have been shorter. I know, but I’m just ready to go to bed now, and I think it’d be good for all of us if we snuggle…what do you say we snuggle together and get a good night’s sleep?

‘Cause we’re kind of a team, right? In the end, we really love each other and we’re all in this together. Like I said, a rowboat without oars is just floating. What, did you get a waterlogged copy of Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations? Yeah, I did, actually. It was coffee-logged; not waterlogged. That’s why my quotes are so off today. You really got me there. So anyway, what do you think about that? How about you come in here for a hug and we…we don’t have to snuggle; we could just lie…well, what about that sleep podcaster? What if we just listen to him instead? We could all lie here together and observe him. Then I’ll…that would take my mind off of stuff. I don't know about you. That sounds sweet to me, as sweet as the tea in the boat that’s rowing as teamwork does.

Okay, why don’t you put away that coffee-logged Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations? Oh, ‘cause that was Abraham Lillin that did that. Okay, that’s great. So, tell me about this sleep podcast. Well, it’s this guy. He’s a familiar guy. You might be familiar with him. He just tells a story. First he does this intro where he tries to explain what the podcast is, and…’cause a lot of people, they have these really smart, well-adapted parts of them that kinda have…they’re uni-function and they tend to…at bedtime…because they’re…because they finally…there’s finally a quiet moment, they want to get some attention, and he gives…believe me, he gives so much attention. He said that…holy cow, maladjusted, he said one time.

They could…he said hailadjusted, because that’s what…I think it’s in this book that’s coffee-logged, though. So let me get this straight; there’s a guy that made a podcast to entertain us, the great, unappreciated brain and personality parts of the world. Yeah, he act…I think he said you’re…you put the humanity in humanity. So, he makes a show just to kinda take your mind off…’cause you have a tough job. So, he said I want to take your mind off that. I want to be your bore-bud and let everybody kinda get snuggled in bed and get comfortable and just kinda relax. So, what do you say we do that with our human, just kinda kick back? Well, I like that idea. So, what’s he gonna talk about? Oh, more or less…not much. He talks about stuff.

It’s kinda interesting. But then it’s also…you’re like yeah, I don't know, something about…there’s a triangle scientist and a isosceles something. Sounds…you’re right, it sounds kinda interesting. Well, great. I’ll see you in a few minutes. Why don’t you get comfortable? Alright, so that’s the show and that’s kinda…I wish I could have that conversation with myself at night. That’s kinda what I’m here for, is to do that for you, to be your bore-friend, to be your bore-bud, and to keep you company, because I do believe you deserve a good night’s sleep. So if you’re new, give this show a few tries, see if it works, and that’s it. I really am glad you’re here. I really appreciate your time, and I work very hard. I yearn and I strive ‘cause I want to help you fall asleep.

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, so stuff like that that’s keeping you up. It could be outside stuff, it could be…whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that. I think I said that at…what I’m gonna do or…yeah, what I’m gonna do…I was trying to think of something, because I always say that.

I say, what I’m gonna do is send voice across the deep, dark night, I'll use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, I’m gonna use gentle motions with my hands to create a safe place, kinda carving it out, smoothing it out, patting it, I’m rubbing it down, I’m saying ‘safe place’. Lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet…pointless meanders…I forget how secure…circuitous logic…all those things…I'm gonna my voice across the deep…pointless meanders…I honestly forgot what I say next. But…to take your mind off of stuff and help you fall asleep, to keep you company if you can’t fall asleep, and honestly, sometimes my brain runs…they say, what was in there? What were we supposed to say next? I don’t know, but I guess I’m supposed to kinda greet you. I did change out the order there. I think that’s what threw me off.

But I’m the podcaster who’s naturally thrown off anyway. But I’m here if you’re new…or if you’re a regular listener, you might say Scoots, this is going a little bit different. I say yeah, well, we’re staying calm, we’re staying in the moment. I’m staying here for you to keep you company. Now, if you’re new, a couple things I would like you to know right upfront. This podcast is a little bit different, so try to kinda sink in, relax, and kind of observe me with a little bit of distance if you’re new. ‘Cause you kinda say well, this doesn’t make a lot of sense. This show defies logic. I say well, I don’t really defy logic; I just noticed…is that Spock that says well, that’s illogical? He would…can you imagine…so, Spock was on the original Star Trek, and…but I think he used to say well, that’s…Spock and Vulcans like logic.

I’m pretty sure this is…I guess a broad generalization. Excuse me, Vulcans. I don't know, I guess Spock would find me illogical. But actually, the thing is, you don’t need to be a Vulcan to find me illogical. There you go. That’s what I meant. If you’re a human, you’re gonna find me…you say well, most people follow some sort of logic. This podcast, it kinda peters out, doesn’t go anywhere, gets started, then slows down a bit. You say, you’re right. So, if you’re new, those are some things…kinda instead of…I say well, I don’t really defy logic or expectation. I just kinda drive around it. I take the long way around; there you go. Like, some people say I take the long way…I say well, yeah, I saw the logic and then I drove…I said well, that’s a logical way to go, right? Then I said oh, did you say go right at logic? Okay.

Well, there’s…I don't know, there’s some grass in the road there, so I want to take this other path here in the middle…not right and not that logical way, so off…no, no, not off the beaten path, either; that area next to it. Oh, that’s not a path? Well, that’s the way I went. So, that’s the way I’ll go. Oh, okay, so if you’re new, though, let me get back to you. Sorry, I got lost in my…when…I took a wrong turn at logic, just like Bugs Bunny used to take the wrong turn at Pismo Beach. As a kid, I never got…I never…I guess I missed the heydays of…okay, here’s a question; was that just a joke or did Pismo Beach have a heyday? Also, the most…a lot of people…so, Bugs Bunny…back before the…there used to be two big cartoon groups. There was the Warner Bros. cartoons and then there was the company D-I-S-N-E-Y.

So, you had the mouse, Mickey Mouse, and you had Bugs Bunny. I’m no historian, but…and I think it was before my childhood, but even during my childhood, while Bugs Bunny was losing momentum…again, maybe to marketing dollars, maybe just a beloved…maybe ‘cause you could go visit the other one. But Bugs Bunny was another cartoon figure that was really liked by kids, a little bit more acerbic and more of a trickster god than Mickey. No offense, Mickey. Mickey’s more of a aw, shucks, let me help you carry that suitcase, or oh, you…Mickey’s…Mickey, you got great…I can’t find a flaw with you in the opening of a sleep podcast. But Bugs Bunny was a little bit more of a…well, okay, so what was my point? I have no idea what my point was. Oh, Bugs Bunny used to take a wrong turn at Pismo Beach.

I guess I’ll have to Google it. I thought that was maybe in LA or somewhere, but then I said maybe it’s in Florida, or maybe it’s just a beach they saw on a map and they said that’s the…that must be a great beach. ‘Cause as much as I love California…we have really nice beaches for sitting on and looking at the beauty of the ocean, especially in Northern California. But as far as swimming goes, which I associate with beaches…I mean, I think Southern California’s got that pretty good. But you have to drive pretty far south. I think you gotta get all the way down…I don't know, I’ve never never…I’d have to see about San Luis Obispo or something. I’ve never swam there. But usually you gotta get all the way down to the Ventura County, I think, to get good swimming, but I don't know.

So maybe they say well, that’s where Pismo Beach is, Scoots. I say well, I took a wrong turn at remembering Pismo Beach Bugs Bunny. Anyway, what was my…? So, the…oh, this podcast is a bit illogical. That was my…thank you, Spock, for bringing it back. I guess I could hire Spock to just hang out while I’m recording and say well, that was illogical. I’d say thanks, let me…to rail in my meanders. Okay, so where was I? If you’re new, structurally what to expect; the show starts off with a few minutes of business, and that’s how we keep the show free for everybody, is the people that support the sponsors or become patrons. So, that’s a really nice thing, is this shows communally you’re supported by people that support the show. So, that’s why the business is up front. There’s also business between the intro and the episode.

So there’s the business, then there’s the intro. Now, we’re about eight minutes into the intro, which is usually around twelve minutes or so of me kind of explaining what the podcast is and going off topic, and then saying well, okay, let me try to bring it back. So, yeah. So, I guess I don't know what my point is. Oh, what the intro is. Yeah, so…sorry, I was thinking about…I was like, thinking…originally I was gonna talk about plants in this intro and I said well, I guess we’re not gonna be talking about plants this intro. But so, yeah, thanks, Bugs Bunny. Bugs Bunny and…who’s that? Spock. I think they have teamed up. I’ve seen a cartoon version of Spock somewhere, like a comedic version, but that could have been somewhere else.

I don’t think Spock and Bugs Bunny have appeared together, but that’s…it is not…it is within the realm of possibility. How about this; if you’re going to Comic Con or something like that or some other con with cosplay that has…I don't know when the next Star Trek movie comes out, but there’s new Star Trek TV shows. I don't know which…if Spock’s in any of those lineups, but go…what if you went to one of those dressed as Bugs Bunny…let’s say…let’s just imagine it’s a Star Trek con, like Trek Con. You go as Bugs Bunny in a Starfleet uniform, but then you…at some point you take…you’re Spock dressed as Bugs Bunny in a Starfleet uniform. Too much? Okay. Oh, ‘cause I gotta…okay, so, the intro is a part of the podcast. It’s not really efficient.

It kind of…yeah, it’s…drives around the logic, but it’s a part of people’s bedtime routine. About 95…I think…I can’t remember the last statistic I said. Maybe 8% of listeners skip…or less skip the intro and go straight to the story. But for most listeners, they use this long intro, about twelve minutes, to get ready for bed, or they’re already in bed and they’re winding down, they’re listening to Scoots. Some listeners are easing off into dreamland, and some like you are just getting comfortable and cozy. Hey, I’m glad you’re here. Thanks again for coming by. So, the intro’s kind of a part of the show and a show within the show. If you’re new, some people can find it bit frustrating ‘cause they say, is…are you gonna ever start talking about Star Trek? I’d say yeah, I’m gonna do that next in a little while.

I’ll be talking about Star Trek: The Next Generation. Been a while since I have. But yeah, so, that’s the structure. So, we have a intro, then some business, then I’ll talk about Star Trek: The Next Generation, an episode. I’ll talk about stuff that came up in the episode. It won't really be super reflective of the episode just ‘cause that’s not my…that’s just not what I’m good at and it’s not super sleepy. Then we have some thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show. Here’s a couple other things; you don’t need to listen. You may have come to that conclusion yourself, or you say…but really, some people turn me way down and some people listen to me at a mumble. But it’s more like it’s an optional thing. You can listen, but you don’t have to.

So you say, there’s no pressure from my end for you to listen to me or remember…or you say well, you can’t miss out on this part where I confuse Bugs Bunny and…whatever, and confuse Pismo Beach with Ventura Beach or whatever. So, I say oh, I guess you could miss that. It’s okay with me, right, if you fell asleep or you just kind of were drifting in and out. So, no need to listen, but there’s also no pressure to fall asleep. The reason the shows are about an hour or a little bit over an hour is ‘cause I want to give you plenty of time. No pressure. You drift off when you need to. I’ll be here to keep you company. If you can’t sleep, I’ll be here ‘til the end. I don’t make a half a show and then just start droning on.

I mean, I drone on, but it’s with intention and ideally presence that you could feel that I’m here for you to keep you company and to take your mind off of stuff. So, no pressure to listen, no pressure to fall asleep. The reason I make the show is ‘cause one, I’ve been there. Particularly lately I’ve had the…I haven’t had the drift off issues, but I’ve had the…just the unsettled nights issues. We’ll just leave it like that. So, I know how it feels and I really, truly believe you deserve a good night’s sleep. I want you to know whether you’re new or you’re a regular listener, I’m glad you’re here. I work very hard, I yearn and I strive, and I’d really love to help you fall asleep, and here’s a couple ways we keep the show going.

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)

Notable Language:

• Morning Cat Mode
• Miso
• Uni-function

Notable Culture:

• Scooby Doo
• Spyro Gyra
• Looney Tunes

Notable Talking Points:

• Late Night Tax Day Thoughts
• A waterlogged Bartlett’s Quotations
• Taking a wrong turn at Pismo Beach